“The quietness of the task gave a mindful place to consider the overwhelming complexities facing them”. ~
Cleo Lampos, Piecing fabrics – Mending Lives: The History, Philosophy and Ingenuity of Quilters, 2018
Hand-stitching, of any type, is a time-honored way of working through emotional and mental health situations, whether past or current. Being able to non-verbally, non-linearly, non-logically (new word, just so I can put -ly at the end) create space for your emotions this way gives your spirit respite from the constant mental chattering, or screaming, in our heads.
Instead of overreacting to crisis and chaos, we can consciously choose an act of creation where thinking is unnecessary. Where we show up for ourselves rather than other people. Too often we show up for others. For family, friends, friends of friends and even co-workers at times.
Yet, when was the last time you showed up for yourself? Really stop and think about this for a minute or 10.
When was the last time you took care of yourself first? This is NOT a selfish act; it is an act of self-preservation and self-care.
As we are told during the safety presentation every time we fly in an airplane: put your own oxygen mask on first, and then, when you are able, help someone else do theirs. We rarely apply this to everyday life, and yet it means the same thing. Help yourself before you help others because if you can’t breathe, you won’t be helping anyone else.
Hand-stitching is a way to help yourself. In a lovely book called “Piecing fabric, Mending lives”, the author offers a plethora of reasons why we choose to stitch. I’ve added some of my own:
• To deal with crappy days, bad days, challenging days
• To confront painful realities, tragedies and traumas
• To deal with anxiety, depression, overwhelm and old issues that may keep popping up
• To process loss of any kind, in a creative manner
• To process and deal with diagnosed illnesses, conditions and ailments
• To deal with soul sucking troublesome jobs, disappointing careers, challenging children, family, friends and difficult relationships
• To feel that we matter, that we are connecting and adding our stitches to something bigger than ourselves, ancient & generational traditions of women that came before us
• To refocus our minds. To calm and center our hearts. To create space to breathe.
• To give our cacophonous thoughts a place to rest and stop running amok, cause that shit is exhausting
Can you think of other reasons why we may choose to stitch? I would love to hear your thoughts.
One of the most interesting aspects of stitching to consider is you may not know the origins of your fabric. When I order a bag of scraps or a specially curated bag of fabric pieces from Etsy or eBay, or buy them from the thrift store, I have no idea where this fabric comes from.
It’s intriguing to imagine the stories each piece could tell if they could speak. What were their lives before they became just bits and bobs in a bag being shipped across the country to my mailbox?
Imagine, in their current, fragmented state, that they are waiting to become something useful, something beautiful once again. Waiting to be stitched together into an item that fosters presence, calm, connection, peace and breath.
When I was going through an art therapy cohort through the VA, we each spoke a bit about ourselves as part of the introduction. I touched on the not-yet-stitched piece that was hanging behind me in the video call. It was the largest piece I have made to date. I related the variety of colors and prints to my life, where each piece represented some experience that may have been painful, upsetting, fun or amazing. But they felt so disconnected. This was my way, symbolically, of attempting to connect all those life experiences, recognizing they are all a part of who I am on the journey to fully accept myself. And to fully accept myself, I would have to accept all the disconnected pieces.
It was a vulnerable comment, said in the moment, that held a huge truth for me. I was figuratively stitching myself together, my seemingly discordant, mismatched pieces that made up the totality of who I am. Expressing all the emotions, experiences, feelings and thoughts where words are impossible.
Your stitching will have its own purpose. Each piece you stitch will have a meaning that only you will understand. You don’t have to explain it to anyone unless you feel comfortable doing so. These are your journal pages, in a manner of speaking, made for your eyes only.
Consider dating your piece, your journal page, somewhere on the back. I use an ultra-thin sharpie pen in black in some inconspicuous place. Having date will help you remember, if you want, what happened at that time. It will also show how resilient you have become when in the future, you can look back and know that you survived whatever dumpster fire was occurring at the time. Worldwide, countrywide or personal. I do this on occasion, pulling out the growing stack, remembering, not reliving, what was happening when I stitched many of my pieces.
Meanwhile, know that your stitching will give you a place to become quiet. A place to “…consider the overwhelming complexities” that you might be facing. It will give you a place to rest, reflect, ponder, and find relief. A place to cry, be angry, be sad, be numb.
Whatever you stitch tells your story. You’ve listened to others stories, now listen to your own.
No expectations, no perfectionism, no rules.
Sit, sip and stitch with me.
in the company of stitches 
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